the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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