clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
