how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
