Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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