my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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