somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think my moral compass just broke
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