That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
