that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
