dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
