We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
