Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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