Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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