i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
