apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
