I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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