OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
