If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
