Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
