I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
