Me too!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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