my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
