new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
