Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
