Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
