I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
