I hate all girls vehemently.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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