OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
