i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
