Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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