Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
