Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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