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well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
