That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
