i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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