The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
