When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
