I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
