using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
