Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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