he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
