I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
