Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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