I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
