I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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