i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Semen is not good for contacts.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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