Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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