dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
