Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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