Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
