i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
