I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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